Fern

I must go down to the seas again, to the lonely sea and the sky,

And all I ask is a tall ship and a star to steer her by;

And the wheel's kick and wind's song and the white sails shaking,

And a grey mist on the sea's face, and a grey dawn breaking. 

I must go down to the seas again, for the call of the running tide

Is a wild call and a clear call that may not be denied;

And all I ask is a windy day with the white clouds flying,

And the flung spray and the blown spume, and the sea gulls crying. 

I must go down to the seas again, to the vagrant gypsy life,

To the gull's way and the whale's way where the wind's like a whetted knife;

And all I ask is a merry yarn from a laughing fellow rover,

And quiet sleep and a sweet dream when the long trick's over. 

-John Masefield

Like anyone, my grandma had her flaws and made choices in her life that may not have been the best. She was human after all, and we are a complicated species. She wasn't generally a warm fuzzy person, but I know that she loved her sisters, daughters, and grandchildren very much. 

I like to say that I inherited my love of the sea from her - no one else in our family seems to love it like us. No matter what the weather is like - it can be rainy and windy or clear and sunny - I will still go to the ocean given the chance. It was her favorite place to go and my mom and aunt took her there as often as they could. 

As independent as Grandma appeared to me, it always puzzled me that she wouldn't learn to drive a car. She was an independent and sometimes stubborn spirit, for good and bad, which was probably why she never accepted those friendly offers of driving lessons. As far back as I can remember she would ride the bus everywhere, unless she was going somewhere with family or friends. 

My fondest memories of Grandma were moments of humor and joy. She loved finding funny cards for birthdays and would sometimes give you 2 cards because she couldn't just pick one. Board games were a favorite, especially Aggravation, and she would laugh and laugh when she was able to send someone back to start! There were many moments where she would get so tickled by something that she would begin crying because she was laughing so hard.

She was also very creative. When my mom and her sister were young, Grandma would sew costumes for them, and decorate cakes for their birthdays even though she was diabetic. She loved Christmas and made multiple decorations specifically for that holiday. Reading was also a great enjoyment for her, and she loved stories about animals or mysteries.

I didn't have a super close relationship with my grandma, but I'm realizing more and more the various little influences she had on who I am as a person. Her recent passing was extremely sudden - she was gone from this world less than a week from being admitted to the hospital - which makes it even more difficult to accept that she is already gone. At the end she had no pain and was at peace with the news that she had final stage lung cancer. 

The one thing she told everyone during her final week was "Do not wait to do the things you want! You never know how much time you have on this earth - take advantage of the time you have now." This is sage advice which I fully intend to take and I would just add: hug your loved ones and spend quality time with them now.