Uncoordinated Confusion (part 4)

There was a month for me to wait between receiving my MRI results over the phone and my appointment with the neurologist. I had my MRI at the end of October and my neurologist appointment was scheduled at the end of November. During that time I began to really convince myself that I couldn't have MS.  Things seemed to really be improving for me so it was easy to do. I was in denial before I had even been diagnosed. The number of my episodes seemed to be gradually decreasing over that period of time, so I started tracking the exact number I was experiencing each day. At the beginning of November I was having approximately 15 episodes a day, and by Thanksgiving there were a couple days I didn't have any episodes. 

At one point my good friend who lives in Missouri offered to come with me to my appointment, which was very sweet and thoughtful but seemed excessive for her to drive all that way for such a short event. My mom also expressed desire to be there with me, but had already found airplane ticket prices to be prohibitive. As my neurologist appointment approached I started to get more and more nervous. At first I didn't realize it but I began to really become aware of it during Thanksgiving weekend. I was spending a lot of time with some close friends during that time, including my best friend. We've been friends for about 25 years now and she's pretty good at reading me. She must have sensed that I wasn't myself and knew it was because of my upcoming appointment. She asked me if I wanted her to come. She was already off work that day, and it wouldn't be a problem. I was hesitant to say yes because I didn't want to inconvenience her, but then she asked me "Will it make you feel better to have me there?" and I couldn't say no. I'll admit - it was a relief just to know that someone would be by my side whatever the outcome of the appointment. Immediately after that I started going around to say goodbye for the night since it was getting late. When I reached my mom's best friend who was also in town for the holiday, her response to my "I'm going to head out now" was an abrupt "No.". I was already on the verge of tears because of my nerves and receiving that very unexpected response sent me over the edge. Several other people were standing around when it happened, and I'm sure they had no idea what could have caused it, but I knew that she did because her and my mom talk about everything. She gave me a huge warm hug and it was so comforting in that moment of uncertainty. Very few people knew my situation at that time, but I knew without a doubt that those who were aware were with me and praying for me.

My appointment came bright and early that Monday morning after Thanksgiving. My best friend met me at the medical center downtown, and we waited together in the lobby while I completed the necessary paperwork. Then we were taken back to an exam room where I answered a few questions for the nurse and we waited some more for the neurologist. When she came in, she reviewed my information and completed a basic exam with me including neurological response. Then she spent a few moments silently reviewing my MRI results there in front of us. After what seemed like an eternity, but was probably only actually a few minutes, she told me there was some bad news and good news. The bad news was that she was pretty confident that I did have Multiple Sclerosis, but the good news was that we had caught it early and while I was still young and healthy. The prospects for treatment were good. Even though I knew this diagnosis was a possibility, it was still a giant shock to actually hear it. Remember, I had already talked myself out of believing I had MS. She showed us the spots showing in my brain and spinal cord scans that caused her to make the diagnosis. I left the office with a large stack of materials about several different medication options, which I was supposed to research and then choose one. 

Know that I will be writing more in the future about what Multiple Sclerosis is, what the basic treatment options are, and how I moved on from here but I really want to take a moment to thank those who have already been a great support system to me. Writing this last installment of this mini series was the most difficult of all of them. Not because it was about my diagnosis, but because I kept crying when I would think of all the wonderful things my close little circle of people have said and done to show me their support before we even knew what was really going on. They have continued to be strongly supportive and shown me abounding love after my diagnosis. For every little text, Facebook message, silly card, warm hug, piece of cheesecake, and phone call please know that I am extremely grateful for each and every one of you. 

*this is part 4 of a 4 part series